Friday, August 5, 2022

Your Mom Smokes Weed

 Yes, your mom. Your mother, who you love so dearly, smokes marijuana. Before folding laundry, before a rom-com, while she's cooking breakfast. My mom does it, and chances are, if you're part of Gen Z, your parents do too.

I mean, think about it. Your fucking grandparents probably smoked weed in the 70s; in the 90s illegal weed was probably at it's most accessible and coolest. I mean for fuck's sake, your parents were in their early 20s when Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle came out. (Side-note: Why does my word processor red-underline "Kumar" but not "Harold"? Racist much?) So it's almost a given that your parents smoked pot. Maybe they smoked weed as a young teen in the late '80s, did that thing where you listen to Led Zep backwards and listened for hidden messages. Maybe they smoked weed in their college years, watching a worn-out VHS tape of Clerks and thinking they were the bees knees. In a less evil world, you could probably phone your dad up and have him talk about how he smoked pot with Ricky Chatfield and watched Mork and Mindy while stoned. It would be a really boring story, too.

And not only has your mom smoked weed in the past, she's smoking weed to this day. She has pot gummies in her medicine cabinet. Maybe your dad approves of it, maybe he has no clue. Either way, when your mom has a moment to herself, she tokes up - big time. And the sad thing? While you've been sitting here, thinking your mom won't touch the stuff, she's thinking the same of you. Interesting times we live in. I bet one day, in 15 or 20 years, your mother will be babysitting your children. And she'll be stoned then, too.

(Another 15 or 20 years after that, get ready for a very exciting blog post entitled "Your Mom Uses Research Chemicals".)

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the future is now

 to any internet scavengers stumbling upon this in the distant future, this saga continues here . didn't want to leave anybody hanging