first off, let me commemorate a truly historic event: it's cold out! for the first time in my life, it's cold in the place where i live. this is one of the greatest things to happen in history ever. now, onto the main event: last night's political debate between florida house candidates "gallop franklin" and "kurt bender". ignoring both of their names sounding like pornstar names, these are two incredibly boring candidates. outside of a few minor policy differences (the republican supports green energy? whuhhhhh???) these guys just toed the party line in a respectful and predictable manner.
the night was off to a shaky start. the event started at 7, and being the smart cookie i am, i decided to pop over to the student union next door to the theater for some fried food at around 7:30. i picked pollo tropical, seeing as how i've had --
<!> emergency!!! <!> ladybug just landed on my laptop screen. this is adorable. needed to commemorate it in the written word. ok where were we
i couldn't get panda express because i was kind of sick of chinese food and i couldn't get panera bread because panera bread sucks. because of that i was left with pollo tropical, the place with notably poor service. "it'll be fine" i thought, incredibly foolishly. "i have like 30 minutes! i eat fast!" anyway, they got my food at 6:58, haphazardly shoved the paper bag into my backpack, and ran over to the auditorium for the debatestravaganza that was about to unfold.(ladybug just flew away btw)
i walked into the auditorium, expecting a packed theater for this political theatre, only to see a ghost town. maybe 30, 40 people were scattered around this 250-seater. shocking, i know. i spotted the hosts of the event: one, a dork in a blue tie; the other, a dork with unfortunate early onset male pattern baldness. satistfied, i settled down in a seat near the front row and waited for the show to begin.
20 minutes later (time i could've spent eating my sandwich) the two candidates walked out on stage. franklin, the democratic nominee, was a skinny guy with a beard and a pin. bender (the republican) was a slightly pudgy guy with a loud baby in the audience. the next hour flew by as the candidates made points about various issues and said "this is where my opponent and i disagree" a bunch. they really loved talking about "the free market" - it seemed like in their eyes, any issue could be solved by encouraging free market solutions and lowering taxes and small businesses etc etc just kill me now. the one interesting moment was the last question of the debate half. asked a question about the "don't say gay" bill, bender came up with some hackneyed response about how if you read the bill, you'll find that teachers are actually allowed to say gay. for the first time in the debate, franklin showed real emotion, as he exclaimed "i don't know what planet my opponent is living on, but it sure isn't earth". that's about as passionate as the debate got.
the "town hall" section was boring in a different, interesting way. i got a first-hand look at the types who would attend a state politics debate. there was a well-meaning but mealy-mouthed progressive, a polisci guy who quoted the constitution like it was the bible, a terrifying "yung conservative" white woman with no soul in her eyes, a genuinely crazy guy who screamed incoherently about "father's rights", and me. i went up and asked a question about getting campus cops out of public high schools; the democrat said "more training" and the republican said "a few bad apples". whoop de freakin' do. i went home, ate my now-cold pollo tropical, and barely paid attention to kiyoshi kirosawa's groundbreaking masterpiece "safe". not a bad day overall
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